


Haunting Dreams

by WritingReadingLaughing



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Arthur/Gwen - Freeform, F/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin/Freya - Freeform, Nightmares, Not compatible with season 5, Post-Season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2017-12-11 14:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/799882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingReadingLaughing/pseuds/WritingReadingLaughing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is haunted by dreams and people are starting to notice. Meanwhile Morgana is attacking Camelot while Arthur is away. Merlin must overcome doubts in time to save Camelot. Co-posted to ff.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to move all my stories over from ff.net and so here is one of them. Hope that you enjoy!

He knew that this was just a dream, a nightmare perhaps, but a dream. Nothing that was happening was real, but he couldn't help feeling as if it was. Then he saw her. The girl that he had loved before she had died. The girl who was cursed to kill forever more. He smiled at her and she smiled back before turning around and beginning to walk away.

No! Freya! Stay, please, stay! Merlin didn't know if he said that aloud or if it was a thought running through his head and right now he didn't care. It felt as if his heart was being torn apart again as he watched her disappear in to mist, her gentle frame slowly blending away. He tried to follow her, to bring her back, but he found that he couldn't move, his legs refused to obey his will and he could only stand there as tears rolled down his cheeks. I miss you Freya. I always will. He whispered almost to himself.

Suddenly the wind changed it's course and picked up speed until it blurred the surrounding forest. Almost as soon as it had come, it stopped and Merlin found himself watching the father he had met only a few days before he too had died. He still had a sad smile that played across his lips and shaggy, dark hair that grew down to his shoulders. You could have taught me so much. Merlin thought before his father also vanished and Merlin was powerless to stop him.

Then it was Will. Will, the friend that had excepted him for who he was. Will, the one who had promised to never tell anyone about Merlin's gift and kept that promise. Will, who had so hated the prince that Merlin was destined to protect and then saved his life.

When Merlin thought that he couldn't handle the pain of watching his friends and family that had died, Lancelot appeared. The bravest and noblest of all Arthur's knights, Merlin had been unable to stop him from sacrificing his life to stop the Dorroca.

It hurt Merlin more then he could ever imagine to have to see the people that truly knew him, knew who he was deep inside him and died. His friends, family, all dead because of him. Because of his destiny. Everything turned colder and Merlin couldn't help but shiver at the sudden change in temperature. He felt himself becoming drowsier and he sank into a dream within a dream, still haunted by the memory of his loved ones.


	2. Chapter 2

Gaius awoke to a noise much like a puppy that had had it's paw stepped on, except louder. Old bones creaking, he slowly got to his feet and looked out the window. It was still dark but not for much longer. Dawn was fast approaching. Checking that he had all the herbs in his bag for when he did his daily rounds, Gaius sat down to eat some breakfast. The food was half-way to his mouth when he heard it again. A strangled cry coming from Merlin's room.

Gaius's eyebrow went up and he slowly put his breakfast back down. Making his way up the short flight of steps, Gaius gently eased the door open. Merlin was lying on his bed shivering, his skin even paler than it usually was. Sweat was clearly visible on his forehead and tear tracks made their way down his cheeks, soaking his pillow. He was mumbling something that Gaius couldn't hear and after a moment of silence he screamed again, softer this time and fresh tears began to pour out of his eyes. That was when Gaius decided to wake him up. No person should go through this, least of all Merlin. Grabbing the boy's shoulder, he shook it gently, but Merlin didn't wake up. He shook it harder and slapped his cheek as lightly as possible. Still Merlin didn't wake up.

In the end it took Gaius a half-hour to wake the boy and ten minutes for him to understand that he was awake. When Merlin did come to his senses, he was distant and lost in thought. Gaius thought that Merlin had a fever and kept him in bed for the rest of the day after talking to Arthur. Neither of them wanted a sick servant to deal with.

The next morning Gaius awoke to the same scream and kept him in bed again, but it wasn't until the third time it happened that Gaius knew something was very wrong. That it wasn't a fever at all.

When Merlin came down for breakfast the next morning, Gaius was waiting for him.

"Sit." he ordered and Merlin obeyed. "What is troubling you, Merlin? You're screaming and crying in your sleep. Don't think that I haven't noticed" he said when Merlin looked at him wide-eyed. "It's not hard to notice that you're not yourself." Merlin mumbled something that might have been an apology and stood up.

"I should be getting to work. Arthur will be wondering where I am." Then he left, leaving behind a slightly annoyed Gaius.

"What is wrong with you today!" Arthur shouted at Merlin, slamming his goblet down on the table to emphasize what he was saying. Merlin just kept staring out the window.

"Merlin?" The person in question jumped and turned around to face Arthur.

"What? Nothings wrong." Arthur nearly choked on his food as his servant said that. Most of the time he knew when Merlin was lying and today was no exception. His servant was in a sort of trance, always looking out into space as if there was something to see. His eyes were filled with sadness and, Arthur didn't know why, guilt.

"Good. Then you can get on with some chores. I need you to launder my clothes, polish my armor and boots, clean up this room, muck out the stables, sharpen my sword and… oh! Saddle the horses and pack enough food for five days and six people. We're going for a hunt first thing in the morning."

Arthur expected more resistance from Merlin about the number of chores that he had but Merlin said nothing, only bowed his head and left the room. Arthur frowned. Something was troubling Merlin, but he didn't know what it was. Lost in thought, he forgot that he was supposed to attend a meeting with his father. Grumbling about how he shouldn't have dismissed Merlin yet he made his way to the Council Chambers. He passed Gwen along the way and gave her a small smile. The guards let him through without a word and the prince found that the rest of the Council were already there.

His father looked up at him as he entered. He seemed older then before Morgana had revealed herself and more tired.

'You summoned me father. What is the matter."

"We have had reports that Mercia are preparing for an attack on our borders. They see us as weak after Morgana's betrayal." He spat out his former wards name. "I want you to lead a patrol to the Northern Border and see what you can find."

"Father, tomorrow I intend to take a hunting trip for five days to get away for a little while. I will report back then." Arthur then waited for a half-hour while he listened to the other reports. They were of little interest to the prince. Then Arthur left to find Merlin.

It didn't take him very long to find him as he was in the prince's chambers making the bed. The many pairs of boots that Arthur owned lay at the foot of the four-poster bed all polished and waxed. His clothes were all hanging up in the closet, freshly washed and dried and his sword was sharpened. Arthur was amazed. Merlin was never this efficient.

"You did all this in the time I was gone?" He couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice. Merlin looked up and nodded.

"I've also finished mucking out the stables and your armor is polished."

"Very well Merlin. You can have the rest of the day off once you have finished. Don't forget to saddle the horses." Merlin nodded once again and left. Something is wrong with Merlin. Arthur thought and then brushed it away. Merlin was probably not getting enough sleep. He never did. Arthur then saw the tall stack of paperwork on the table and sighed. It was going to be a long day.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning Merlin found himself still tormented by his dreams and he was unable to forget them. Images of Freya, Will, Lancelot and his father ran through his mind and forced him to relive the moments in which they had died. He had gotten the horses ready for their hunt and he had returned to the Court Physician's chambers. He knew that Gaius and Arthur were suspicious of his behaviour and that it wouldn't be long before they forced him to tell them, so when Gaius left without warning, Merlin followed him.

Gaius went straight to Arthur's chambers and entered, closing the door behind him. Merlin heard Arthur welcome Gaius and offer the old man a chair, which he excepted gratefully. Pressing his ear against the door, Merlin was able to make out bits of their conversation.

"Merlin… Nightmares… Worried about him… Look after him…" Arthur said something that Merlin couldn't hear but Gaius was taken his leave. Merlin quickly ran down the corridors and up flights of stairs until he reached Gaius's chambers. Busying himself with something, he waited for Gaius to return. When he did, Merlin could feel the penetrating stare that his guardian was giving him. Merlin squirmed uncomfortably.

"Merlin, aren't you supposed to be getting the horses ready?" Gaius asked, clearly wondering why Merlin was looking through a book about dresses.

"I already have. I'm just waiting for Arthur to…" he never got any farther because the prince's shout could easily be heard.

"Merlin! We are going hunting now!"

"I think that I should go before Arthur decides to do something a little more painful then hunting." Merlin gave Gaius a smile but it didn't reach his eyes. They remained as unhappy as before.

Then Merlin was gone. When he got to the courtyard, he found that Arthur, Leon, Percival, Gwaine and Elyan were already waiting, their long red cloaks trailing behind the horses.

"Come on Merlin. We're already late." Then the knights and the prince rode off leaving Merlin to catch up. It took Merlin a full ten minutes to finally catch up to them and then when his horse stumbled on a moss-covered stone, he alerted the deer that Arthur was hunting and it ran away. Arthur turned and seeing Merlin on a horse just standing there, Arthur's temper snapped.

"Merlin! How can you be such an idiot!" Arthur stopped when Merlin didn't reply. "I should never have brought you along on this trip!" The other knights just watched and said nothing until Arthur's fierce mood had been subdued somewhat and Merlin had apologized in his own way of mumbling a bunch of insults and threats at the prince.

They set off shortly afterwards, making their way north towards the border with Mercia. It was early fall and the leaves were beginning to change color. Splashes of dark red, bright orange and pale yellow dotted the forest floor and the sky was easily visible through the tree branches. Occasionally the hunting party spotted a deer or rabbit and killed it. Merlin didn't watch them do it. It reminded him of the people he had killed, and the people who had died for him.

When the sun began to sink towards the horizon, Arthur announced that they would make camp for the night and continue at dawn. Then the separated for their duties. Elyan and Leon checked on the horses and gave them food and water. Percival went to fetch water from a nearby stream and unpack the food they had brought with them. Gwaine and Merlin went to collect firewood and Arthur just did what he did best. Giving orders.

Gwaine knew that something was wrong with Merlin. It was in the way he moved and smiled. Normally cheerful and happy, Merlin appeared older and sadder and his blue eyes no longer brimmed with enthusiasm and energy. Merlin had being acting like this for at least four days as far as Gwaine had noticed. Possibly longer. His friend was hiding something from him and Gwaine was going to find out what.

When Arthur had announced that they would be spending the night and that Merlin and Gwaine were on firewood duty, Gwaine grabbed the chance. As Merlin began to pick up odd bits of wood, the knight back him up against a tree.

"Merlin. What is wrong." He said bluntly. Merlin was shocked and tried to talk his way out of it with badly made-up lies.

"Nothing's wrong, I'm just worried about Mercia and what their plans are." He mumbled. Gwaine didn't believe him at all.

"Has the princess been overworking you, Merlin." He gestured towards Arthur.

"No."

"Then tell me what is wrong!" Gwaine pushed. Merlin sighed.

"Look. I'll tell you some other time but not now, not yet." Gwaine let him go back to collecting firewood. He would find the truth, no matter what it took.


	4. Chapter 4

Leon groaned as Gwaine decided to wake him up for sentry duty in his own way. By the time Leon fully woke up ,a water skin hung over his head, completely emptied over him. Leon opened one eye.

"Gwaine, I swear that I am going to kill you sometime in the very, very near future, if you don't go to bed and shut up." Gwaine smiled, shrugged and left Leon to dry himself of a bit and resume sentry duty.

It was an uneventful few hours, with only a spider crossing his path. He was about to get up and wake Elyan for the last shift, when he heard it. It sounded like a strangled scream, of someone who was struggling to breath. Whipping out his sword, Leon stared deep in to the shadows trying to discover where the sound had came from. The scream stopped echoing through the forest and silence reigned once more. Half-sheathing his sword Leon turned back towards the camp and tended the dying fire. Picking up a torch, he lit it and looked around again. Nothing strange. Then it came again, much closer then Leon thought it would. He thrust the torch towards where he had heard the scream and flames revealed much.

Merlin's face was filled with so much sadness and pain, that Leon couldn't bear to watch for too long. Tears were streaming down his face and his skin was pale. Leon knelt down at the servant's side and whispered calm words to him. It seemed to have little effect. The boy kept repeating names. Most of them he didn't know but the last one he did. Lancelot. The boy was dreaming about Lancelot and the other people he had named. If this could be called dreaming.

Another scream rent the air except that now it turned into a sob. Ragged breaths forced themselves out of Merlin's chest. Leon made up his mind.

"Arthur! Arthur. Wake up!" His yells seemed to do the trick as he could hear Arthur and the other knights jump up and pull their swords, expecting an attack. They looked around confused before Merlin decided to scream again. The knights and the crown prince were instantly alert. They couldn't Leon as his torch had gone out and their eyes were still adjusting to the light of the fire.

"Leon, where are you? What's going on?"

"It's Merlin." All the knights immediately moved closer to his voice. Percival grabbed another torch and lit it before bringing it to Leon. "He started screaming a few minutes ago and speaking names. I have tried to wake him up but it hasn't worked." Now that they could all see Merlin's face, they were stunned and horrified. Arthur dropped to his knees and undid his cloak. Placing it over Merlin he turned his focus to Leon again.

"What names? Did you hear any?"

"Yes. He mentioned someone called Will, some…" Arthur cut him off.

"I remember Will. He was Merlin's best friend when he was in Ealdor. Boy saved my life from an arrow and got himself killed instead. He used sorcery to drive of the attackers. Merlin was heartbroken." He added, almost to himself. "Go, on."

"Someone called Freya…" Arthur shook his head. He didn't know anyone called Freya. "His father." Again Arthur shook his head. "And… He spoke of Lancelot." The others were suddenly much more interested.

"Anyone else?" Gwaine asked.

"No. Just those four. And he was crying. That's when I woke you…" He trailed off. Merlin was screaming again.

"Honestly, I don't know how you couldn't hear them. The first two were louder." Arthur looked up at him in surprise.

"Louder?" He asked when he finally found his voice. "I think that we should wake him up. Leon, what did you try?"

"I shook his shoulder and slapped his face a bit. Nothing happened."

"Alright, any other ideas?" Arthur asked his knights.

"I've got one." The knights looked up at Gwaine in surprise and saw his face just before he vanished in to night to get something. This would either end up really badly or work perfectly. Knowing Gwaine, it was probably the first one.

Gwaine returned a few minutes later carrying a water skin. Unscrewing the cap, he purposefully dumped the contents on Merlin's tear-streaked face. Merlin jumped up with a jolt, his eyes wide as the cold water began to soak his neckerchief and brown jacket. Seeing Gwaine in the flickering torchlight, with a mischievous grin on his face, Merlin gave a small smile.

"Why did you do that?" He was immediately pushed back down by Arthur.

"Lie still. You've got some questions to answer."

Merlin was so happy when he was jerked back into reality. He didn't think that he could bear to watch his family and friends that had died, in a dream that wouldn't let him touch them or talk to them. Yet when he saw Arthur's face, some of that happiness faded. His friend looked angry and afraid and sorry for him.

"Why did you do that?" He asked Gwaine when he saw him. He felt a rough hand push him back down and Arthur's voice in his ear.

"Lie still. You've got some questions to answer." Merlin groaned inwardly. All he needed right now was an arrogant prince to force answers out of him.

 

 oOo 

 

"Before we left, Gaius came to me and told me that you were suffering from nightmares and that it took him ages to wake you up. Have you had these dreams before?" He asked. Merlin didn't feel like speaking and so he nodded, avoiding Arthur's stare.

"How long?"

"Three nights before now. This is the forth time." The knights all shared a glance. When he wanted to, Merlin could be very good at concealing his emotions.

"Why didn't you tell anyone, Merlin? You really are an idiot sometimes!" Merlin smiled weakly at this, and sighed.

"The burdens mine and mine alone. None of you would understand, I hardly understand it myself, but I know that I can't tell you Arthur. One day, I hope that you will realize why." Arthur began to protest but the others realized that Merlin had told them all that he would and that was that.

 

oOo

 

Dawn was sending streaks of light over the horizon and the knights busied themselves. Merlin offered to help but they said no and sent him to lie down. By mid-morning they were back on the trail and riding towards the border of Mercia. Merlin could feel a growing sense of unease in the pit of his stomach. This was a bad idea, but he kept his thoughts to himself and followed the others.

After a two-hour long ride they neared the border. Arthur called a halt and they removed their red cloaks and armor and hid them in the bush. From there they went on foot leaving the horses behind with Gwaine and Percival. Merlin still couldn't shake off the feeling that something bad was happening and that they shouldn't be here. They crossed the border without a problem and were entering the nearest village when Merlin's magic kicked in. It was Morgana. He could sense her wandering the streets and heading their way.

"Hide!" Merlin hissed at the other three with such urgency that they obeyed him without question. It wasn't a moment too soon. As they huddled in a back alley, Morgana could be seen walking right past where they had just been. Merlin could feel Arthur's body tense as if to jump out and attack the sorceress. Grabbing his arm, Merlin pulled him back.

"If you attack her and she kills you then Camelot has no hope." He said softly. "We need to get out of here." Then Morgana's voice could be clearly heard across the village square.

"Tomorrow we ride out against Camelot. If there are any here who wish to join us and have a share in spoils of victory, they are most welcome. And if you come across a sorcerer by the name of Emrys, tell me and the rewards are great." Merlin tensed as he heard the name Emrys ring out across the village but he managed to keep his reaction minimal. Arthur wasn't paying him any attention, once the coast was clear, he pulled them out of their hiding place and they rushed for the border as quickly as possible.

Gwaine and Percival jumped up in surprise as the four stumbled into them.

"What did you find out?" Percival asked, obviously surprised by their early arrival back.

"Bad news. It's Morgana. She's amassing an army and plans to head towards Camelot tomorrow. We need to get back." The other two nodded and they rushed to get the horses ready to go. Within minutes they were pushing their horses to breaking point in an attempt to get back to Camelot and prepare for war before Morgana got there.


	5. Chapter 5

 

Arthur pushed them hard on the returning journey. His heart hurt that Morgana was going against Camelot and those that had been her friends. He couldn't truly understand why she did. Camelot had been her home for much of her life and she had never been mistreated in any way. True, she had had nightmares that had come true, but she could have talked about them. Shared them with someone. She had been like a sister to him. A friend.

The discovery that she was his half-sister had hit him hard, that night when he and Merlin had hidden on a balcony above the great hall and watched as Morgana was crowned Queen of Camelot. Her true self had been revealed that night and yet Merlin hadn't acted surprised. He knew that she was the traitor inside the walls.

The crown prince remained lost in thought until his horse stumbled over something in the dark and he was thrown to the side.

"You all right, Sire?" Leon's voice rang out in the darkness.

"Yes, we should make camp and continue as soon as it gets light. We won't get any where if we keep on like this." Everyone agreed and Merlin was sent with Leon to collect water from a lake not far off. Using a torch to light the way, they found themselves at the edge of a lake that Merlin knew all too well.

"Freya." He whispered, a tear sliding down his cheek. Leon walked down to the waters edge and began to fill the water skins.

"Merlin, come and help me. We need to get this done."

"Freya." He said again. This time Leon heard him.

"Freya?" The knight asked. Merlin just nodded and began to fill up his flask. He would return later that evening.

 

oOo

 

"Freya? You're certain he said that?"

"Yes. When we were by the lake, it was as if he had been there before. He said the name and when asked he just nodded. I think that he's going back tonight. Arthur glanced at Merlin who was sitting some ways off. "When he leaves, we're following him. I want to know who this Freya is."

 

oOo

 

They didn't have to wait long, as soon as the second watch began Merlin had slipped away in the direction of the lake. Elyan, who was on watch, quickly shook the others awake and motioned towards the trees. They all nodded and headed towards the lake, taking care to remain unseen by their quarry. Arthur, suddenly stopped and ducked behind a boulder on the edge of the forest. Merlin was standing at the very edge of the water, brown jacket flapping in the wind, waiting. For what, Arthur didn't know but Merlin seemed to.

Finally as the moon began to disappear behind the mountains a figure walked out of the mist that coated the surface of the lake. She didn't touch the water but seemed to walk an inch or two above it. It was then that Arthur realized that this Freya was dead. Merlin was dreaming about people who had been close to him and died. The other knights seemed to have reached the same conclusion. They watched as Merlin reached out and hugged her. Then Merlin broke into tears and the girl whispered something to him. It seemed to comfort him somewhat.

Arthur felt so helpless as he watched Merlin hug this girl for a last time before stepping back and letting her return to the lake.

"Quick! Head back to camp and pretend that you didn't see anything. I'll take watch." Arthur hissed at his knights and they swiftly made their way back. When the got back, they had a nasty surprise in store.

 

oOo

 

"I'm sorry you had to die because of me." Merlin said as his tears began flowing down his face.

"Merlin. No one died because of you. I died for you. There's a difference." Freya said. "I must return to Avalon. I can't stay long. I'll come back sometime." She hugged him one last time and then returned to the lake where she rested. Merlin hated seeing her leave, but he knew that she had to.

He stayed there, watching as she disappeared back in to the mist, then without looking back he returned to camp. Before he even got there he heard the sounds of swords clanging and men screaming. Hiding behind a tree, Merlin looked and saw Mercian soldiers surrounding Arthur and the other knights. They were bound and gagged.

Merlin wondered what they were doing here, when he saw Morgana walking through the forest. Stopping when she saw Arthur and the knights she smiled and teleported them all out of the clearing. When Merlin ventured forth, there was nothing left except a tattered red cloak and the dying embers of the fire.

"O drakon, e mala soi ftengometh tesd'hup anankes! Erkheo" Merlin yelled to the sky as he waited for the Great Dragon to come. What should he do?

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Arthur didn't say anything when Morgana came up to him, sporting her infamous smirk.

"So, Arthur. How does it feel to be so helpless, so powerless." Arthur just glared at her and she gave a laugh. A high, cruel, maniacal laugh. One so different from the one that she had had in the past.

"Uther will gladly surrender if you are to be killed in front of him, and his reign will finally end. Magic will finally be returned to Camelot. I think that I'll pay him a visit now." Grabbing Arthur's shoulder, she transported them to the Council Chambers in Camelot.

Uther was there, lost in thought.

"Hello Uther." Came Morgana's cold greeting. The king jumped and turned to face them. Arthur hated the fact that his father had to see them both. His daughter, a traitor and set upon the downfall of Camelot. His son, whatever his father thought of him, bound in chains and kneeling on the floor.

"I will be back Uther. In a days time, I expect Camelot to bow before me, or watch Arthur die." They disappeared again, Arthur nearly puked as they came back to the forest. He would never get used to this form of transportation. The other knights, besides Gwaine, looked at him sympathetically. They too felt queasy.

Night came quickly and there was no moon. It seemed as even the stars had given up on them. Arthur could only sigh and hope that Merlin was alive.

o0o

Merlin was indeed alive, cold and hungry, but alive. He waited in the clearing by the lake of Avalon for the dragon. It was a chilly night with a gentle breeze but Merlin didn't pay it any attention. Finally a shadow appeared in front of the moon. It came closer and closer and finally landed gracefully in the clearing.

"Why have you summoned me, young warlock?"

"Arthur has been kidnapped by Morgana."

"Yes."

"Well… That's about it."

"What are you going to do?"

"Why is it up to me to do something? Everyone that I cared about is dead and it's my fault!" Merlin's voice cracked.

"Young warlock. Their death is not your fault. They too had destinies and they had fulfilled them. It was their time to die. Sleep, young warlock and then go and save your prince. It was not your fault."

Merlin's eyelids began to drop and the tiredness that he hadn't felt overpowered him. He was asleep within seconds.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Morgana walked through the corridors of Camelot on her way to the Council Chambers. It had been a year since she had last entered Camelot and the great city would bow to her once more. Her men walked a couple of paces behind her, dragging a bound prince and several knights. The Council Chambers loomed closer and Morgana pushed the doors open with magic. Uther was sitting on the throne, flanked by Gaius and Geoffery of Monmouth and some of Camelot's knights. She smirked. Camelot would be hers once more.

 

oOo

 

Merlin could not remember when he had last had a dream so peaceful. No nightmares or memories entered his mind and he had a dreamless sleep. The dragon was still there when he awoke and he realized that it was nearly dawn. The memory of what had happened struck Merlin and he began to blame himself again.

"Are you ready Young Warlock. Today will be the day that the prophecies speak of. The creation of Albion." Merlin squared his shoulders and pushed away any nagging doubts. He was ready.

"I am."

"Very well. I shall fly you to the clearing near Camelot and I will stay there, unless you call." Merlin barely took in a word that the dragon had said and climbed numbly onto the beast's back. The wind whipped through his hair and the cold nipped at his fingers. He didn't care. He had a destiny and he would fulfill it.

When he landed near Camelot, Merlin didn't say a word. He just walked towards Camelot, a grim smile on his face. He entered the city without a problem and evaded the guards easily. The people that saw wisely stood out of his way and didn't say anything. Gaining entry to the castle was even easier. There were no protection charms. Nor were there many guards around. Morgana must still be negotiating. The whole palace was eerily quiet as he passed through hallways that would normally be teeming with life. Every pace brought him closer to the Council Chambers where he could sense that Morgana was there. He could hear a loud triumphant voice that could only belong to Morgana. She was going to kill Arthur. Merlin guessed that Uther had refused to give up his throne. That would make things difficult.

A nagging thought seemed to have awoken deep in his brain. The thought that he wasn't strong enough. That he would fail Arthur and their shared destiny. His step faltered but he kept going. It was too late to turn back now. He reached the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't move. Merlin could sense the pulsing magic that seemed to bind the doors together. His eyes flashed gold and the doors burst off their hinges. The voices that had been coming from the Council Chambers stopped abruptly. Merlin took a deep breath and walked through the dust.

Morgana's eyes widened and then narrowed in hatred.

"You." Was all she said.

"Yes." Said Merlin. "Me."

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Merlin could feel the stares of many eyes boring in to him, but he remained calm. His only purpose was Morgana. She stared at him with obvious hate and dislike, but beneath it carefully concealed, was a thin layer of fear and dread that Merlin could barely detect. Fear that she had finally found who her destiny and doom was. Arthur was staring at him wide-eyed, a gag bound tightly around his mouth. Gwaine was simply Gwaine but his eyes were telling Merlin to be careful and not do anything stupid. The others just looked at him with blank expressions.

The guards were all dead, struck down where they stood in a painless and violent way. Morgana was still staring at him, eyes seeming to try and bore their way in and defeat him with a cold stare. Beneath her feet, Uther lay barely conscious and alive. Merlin wondered how well these negotiations had been going and if things would have been different had he arrived earlier or later then he did.

Morgana stepped towards him, daintily picking her way over rubble and rock until she was eye to eye with Merlin. He didn't flinch when she gently rested a hand on his cheek.

"So it's you then, the one who has been haunting my every move, the one who seems to know everything that might pass my lips. The one who is here to kill me." The last bit she whispered, bringing her mouth up close to is ears, the breath shallow but blowing gently against his hair. Merlin nearly shuddered but stopped just before he did so.

Morgana hadn't moved, just standing there touching his cheek with a gentleness that Merlin knew she was faking. It had been years since she looked at him or at anyone for that matter without a hardness or hatred buried beneath the eyes of what had been a loving ward.

A smack resonated throughout the hall and Merlin kept his face in place not moving it even when Morgana had slapped him with a force that had surprised him, even after he'd learned not to underestimate her. His cheek was stinging and Merlin blinked a couple times to try and stop the pain but it didn't help. Finally he just brought his hand up to the flesh and rubbed it, the friction making it less painful.

Morgana had stepped backwards and was staring at him with arms outstretched and a smile playing about her lips.

"Go on then. Kill me. Show me that you have the guts to actually do it. I won't do anything, not protect myself nor fight back. Just show me if you're an innocent little boy that's out of his depth or a worthy opponent." She took another step back and twirled around, daring Merlin to make a move. Her dress whirled around her, velvet cloth sweeping behind her as she started a simple dance around Merlin, taunting and teasing him.

Arthur's eyes were looking at him, boring holes in his head and wherever his gaze seemed to touch. Merlin knew what Morgana was trying to do. By offering herself up without a fight, she was asking Merlin to kill her cold blood, something that Arthur didn't stand for. Everyone in the room was aware of that. If Merlin did what she was taunting him with, Arthur would have a harder time deciding his fate. Perhaps he would even banish the great Emrys because of this decision. Even if Arthur hated Morgana, she was still his sister and Arthur would never forget that.

Merlin was looking anywhere but at the row of knights still chained up, weaponless and defenseless against whatever could happen in the next few minutes. If he didn't kill her, then who knew what she would do to extract her revenge.

"You're taking far too long to decide Merlin. Or should I say? Emrys?" She stopped and faced him, grin evident on her face as she leered at him. Merlin sighed and raised a tired hand that seemed to weigh more than it usually did. The grin on Morgana's quivered a little as if she was uncertain about whether or not this was a good idea.

Merlin closed his eyes, and pulled the strings of magic that went down into his very soul and pulled at them, bringing his magic up for him to use. Eyes blazing, he snapped them open, vision tunneling in gold channels as he pushed it forward and away from him, towards Morgana.

"Tima freosan ferhþe…"* He whispered, barely able to hear it in his own ears and felt a slight drain in his energy as he did so. He knew something had happened, he always did when it concerned his magic. Morgana was still standing, looking no worse for wear, her smile only growing broader by the second as her life wasn't ending.

After a minute had passed and nothing had happened, she strode forward until she only several paces away from Merlin.

"Guess you made a mistake Emrys. What did that do to help you when I gave you a chance to finish me off? Nothing. The life you've led is nothing if you couldn't do this. I guess I win." They stared each other down, neither wanting to be the first to acknowledge defeat and lower their gaze.

"I didn't make a mistake." Merlin said quietly.

"What?"

"I said; I didn't make a mistake."

"And how did you come to that conclusion, Emrys?"

"I didn't. You did. You just described your own situation, Morgana. The life  _you've_ led has come to nothing and you are the one who made the mistake. You even have the opportunity to finish  _me_ off and haven't taken it. I win." Merlin finished his speech in a quiet voice, but each word rang with a finality that the serving boy rarely expressed or showed. Morgana was shaking with anger that was barely being suppressed.

"You think that you're so much more superior then you actually are." Merlin's answer was merely to raise his arms and back up a step or two, offering himself up like Morgana had done to him. He could see Gwaine struggling against his bonds and Merlin let a flicker of a smile grace his face. At least one of his friends cared enough about him to try and help him out of an impossible situation. Morgana wouldn't hesitate to kill him, probably causing him excruciating pain beforehand and then finishing him off when he was too weak to do anything.

Merlin had contemplated calling the dragon, but that was something that he would never do. Arthur would almost certainly kill him and then there would be only one dragon left once again in the world.

He closed his eyes and waited. Waited for that perfect moment when Morgana was busy conjuring a spell to send him into a world of pain. Waited for that perfect moment that would insure that his spell would hit her, but also that her spell would hit him. He would rather die at the hands of an enemy then have a friend strike him down.

Eyes flashed twice and two spells shot forward, both hitting their targets dead on. The enchantment that Morgana had shot forward didn't take effect right away but Merlin recognized the signs that it was waiting for the perfect moment to strike. The rolling in the pit of his stomach and the way his throat dried up no matter what he tried all pointed to a spell waiting patiently for its chance.

Merlin's spell on the other hand had worked immediately, freezing Morgana in the position in which she'd been in when she cast her spell. He'd only needed to shout a word for his spell to take effect, the enchantment that he'd used before stopping Morgana at the use of the keyword. She was still away of her surroundings but could do nothing to stop anything that happened now. Her own magic was also frozen and useless.

Merlin walked the last few paces towards her, ignoring the twinges that ran up and down his sides and back. He leaned in and whispered.

"See, Morgana. I win. I chose my own death and left yours in Arthur's hands. I'm the one who is better off."

Then the spell that Morgana had set on him took effect and he pitched forwards on to his knees, maintaining eye contact with the witch the whole time. His vision swam and the pain was tearing up and down his body, leaving ripples of intense pain. He showed none of this, keeping his features blank and expressionless until he collapsed on to the stone floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Used an Old English translator for the spells.
> 
> Tima = Time
> 
> Freosan = Freeze
> 
> Ferhþe = Forever/Eternal


	9. Chapter 9

 

Flash of brightness, of pain and of sorrow. Merlin felt his heart twist and the pain everywhere in his body multiply and roll as if it were the waves on the sea shore. He didn't recognize his surroundings, only that he was lying down on a table or bed and that his hands and fingers were curled tightly around the edges. Freya was there. He could see her dancing between trees, dress swirling around her legs as she ran barefoot through the woods. The logical part of Merlin told him that it was a dream, that it wasn't real, but Merlin wanted to believe that it was. That his dear Freya actually was there, alive and well.

Her laughter reached his ears and Merlin felt a stab at his heart as he realized that she was happy. That this would have been the girl before her enchantment and doom at the hands of an old sorceress, and that Merlin hadn't been able to bring her back completely.

The girl turned to face him, smile gentle and loving and shinning eyes that twinkled in the light. Then she was gone, stepped into the shadows and disappeared.

Merlin opened his eyes wide as he realized that he was awake and instantly regretted it, closing them again to fight the light that was trying to pry his eyelids up. He groaned a little but to his own ears it was pitiful and his throat burned when the little air he had pushed out of his lungs moved up and into his mouth. Something was being pressed against his forehead, a dribble of water rolling down his cheeks until it reached his cracked lips and disappeared inside.

That tiny amount of water tasted heavenly to Merlin and he let his tongue stick out in a bid to catch more of the precious liquid. A beaker was pushed against his lips and tilted gently, letting him drink a little at a time of the clear water. He drunk greedily, but all too soon the cup was being pulled away. He moaned a little as he tried to show his displeasure without having to actually form words. A hand began carding through his tangled hair and he smiled a little, the feeling comforting and reassuring when everything else was a ball of jumbled up thoughts and feelings with no known beginning or end.

He finally risked opening one of his eyes a fraction, just to be slightly more aware of where he was and what was going on around him.

The room in which he was in was darker than when he had first opened his eyes, and Merlin could only guess that window shutters had been closed, blocking out the sun. The servant instantly recognized his own room, the ceiling was the same as always and he had spent enough time over the months and years staring at it.

Someone was walking softly around in Gaius's chambers, bowls clinking together as they worked. It wasn't Gaius. Merlin had had enough time to realize that Gaius walked heavily and that the rooms almost echoed whenever he took a step. No, it was someone with a lighter step and who wasn't nearly as old as the physician.

As if on cue, the door eased open and the kind face of Gwen was visible. She relaxed when she noticed Merlin watching her and offered a small smile to the servant. She was carrying a plate of what smelled like soup and Merlin like his lips in anticipation. Raising his head ever so slightly of the pillow so that he could properly watch what Gwen was doing, a sharp pain began in the base of his spine and slowly made its way up his back, growing in intensity as it did so. Merlin immediately stopped moving and lay back down, taking deep breaths as the pain washed over him, feeling almost like fire for a while, before dying down into a dull throb.

Merlin opened his eyes, not realizing that he had closed them and looked up into the worried face of Gwen. She masked her emotions immediately, but Merlin had seen the worry and pain that had been present in them for a second too long. Merlin wanted to squeeze her hand to reassure her but the logical part of his brain told him that if only lifting his head off the pillow would cause such pain, then moving his hand to catch hers would be unbearable.

"I'm sorry Merlin, there's nothing I can do to stop it. When you were unconscious, this happened as well and none of us could do anything to help. The only thing that seemed to help is if you lie still and don't move." Merlin raised his eyebrows before realizing what he was doing and let them fall back. Apparently it was only when he did something that involved physically moving that the pain came and paralyzed him.

"Gwe…" The searing flash came out of nowhere, leaving Merlin gasping for breath that he just couldn't catch. Speaking was also the cause of the pain then. Gwen just nodded sadly and squeezed his shoulder gently before turning back to the food that she'd brought and stirring the contents a little. Bringing a spoon to his lips she let the warm soup slide down his throat, burning his mouth a little as it made its way down to his stomach. He licked his lips and found that he had been hungry and had just been ignoring it.

Opening his mouth a little bit more and finding that nothing happened, Merlin let his lips part fully, waiting for Gwen to give him a little bit more of the delicious soup. He wasn't disappointed, and soon he didn't feel as hungry as he had been. The silence that surrounded them was awkward and Merlin wanted to talk to her, tell her stories, anything to break it.

The servant hadn't found any indication of Gwen been scared or uncomfortable of him. Maybe she didn't know about his secret, but given how close she was to Arthur and Elyan, it would be foolish to assume that.

Merlin blinked a couple times, realizing that after having warm food and someone that he recognized and cared about, sleep was starting to catch up to him again. He didn't want to give into the blackness, wanting to stay with someone who would maybe talk to him and keep him entertained when he couldn't move without pain beyond imagining. Merlin was already bored of the view of his ceiling, the only thing that he could see without moving his head and neck.

A hand ran gently through his hair, massaging away at his scalp and making him feel even more tired than he already was. The servant's eyes began to close, humming softly as the thin, lady-like fingers threaded through his messy locks.

"Sleep well Merlin." The boy's eyes closed just as the door did.

The next time Merlin opened his eyes, voices were talking quietly in the Gaius's room, words inaudible because of how softly they were speaking. The servant wanted to stand up and go see what it was all about and nearly did it but part of his brain reminded him of what would happen should he move.

Feeling his eyes glow gold, Merlin directed his magic towards where he knew his book was and tried to pull it towards him, but a piercing over his chest and forehead stopped him before he could do anything. He tried again, but the same thing happened. And again, and again, and again…

Merlin sighed and squeezed his eyes tight, not realizing until something warm rolled down past his chin and down his throat that he was actually crying. Tears were beginning to flow faster and Merlin really didn't care whether or not someone would see him. He was already unable to move and having tears slowly make their way down his face wasn't going to make him any more venerable.

Blinking a couple times, the ceiling swam back into focus, and all Merlin could hear were his own raggedy breaths and almost sobs. He was suddenly overcome by a sense of claustrophobia, with everything pressing down on him at the same time and leaving him with no space or means of escape.

The door opened without warning, making Merlin jump a little as the wooden panels hit the stone wall beside it. Heavy footsteps came up the short flight of stairs, and Merlin could hear the familiar rustling of chainmail and armour as it came closer and closer.

Arthur's face came into his field of vision, and Merlin glanced at him briefly to acknowledge that he was there before returning his gaze to the ceiling. But even when he had looked at the prince for barely a second, Merlin had noticed the lines of pain and tiredness that were etched into his brow and the way he held himself. Nothing was said between them for a little while before Arthur broke the silence with a cough. Merlin didn't react to it.

"My father died. I'm king now." Merlin blinked; not very surprised at the news given the state he'd last seen the king in after Morgana had done what she had. Arthur sighed, as if resigned to his fate and that Merlin wouldn't recognize anything that he said.

"Morgana's still alive, but hasn't moved since… Well you know." Merlin did know. That day was engraved onto the inside of his mind, vivid and unchanging since it had first happened. He hadn't even seen Arthur since then, even when he had been there and was confronting Morgana, he hadn't truly seen Arthur. He'd looked at him, but never gazed into those eyes, the eyes that showed emotion that the newly crowned king would try to hide and yet never actually succeed completely in masking his feelings.

Now, Merlin wasn't even looking into his eyes, but the servant could see the anger, sadness, worry and underneath it all, careful concealed but not well enough was a sliver of guilt.

"I should be angry with you right now you know. I really should. When you and Morgana had finished and the guards were clearing everything away, the only thing that I could think of was how betrayed and angry I felt towards you two. Everything just exploded then. Feelings and thoughts that I never knew existed and yet were bottled up inside me. Problems too…" Arthur took a shuddering breath and looked down at his hands, breaking any sort of contact that he had had with his servant at that time. Merlin realized how difficult this was for the young king. Already things were bad and problems that he'd never thought would arise were coming into play for the new king. And talking about feelings and emotions was never one of Arthur's strong points and must be extremely draining for him as well.

"I couldn't control myself for several days afterwards, and still I have problems. I just want to be free of all the decisions that I have to make. But even then, I'm not truly free." The bitterness in the king's voice was impossible to miss, and Merlin raised his eyebrows, the first thing that he had done to attempt to communicate with Arthur since he'd walked into the room in all his royal glory. But Arthur didn't notice the actions, only continuing on with his speech that was fast becoming filled with rage and pain.

"… It's been a week and a half and even the best blacksmiths couldn't get it off. I'm now a slave to Morgana, maybe not in any way, but she has managed to keep one of the shackles from coming off, no matter what anyone tries. I'll always wear it, as much as I don't want to." Arthur swung his arm out over Merlin's field of vision and the thick ring of metal was clearly visible, even to Merlin's bleary eyes. It was the same as the ones that he'd seen the knights and Arthur himself wear when he'd entered the Council Chambers on that fateful day.

A week and a half with a reminder that his half-sister still had power over him, even when she herself was incapacitated.

"Merlin? Merlin, are you alright? Should I send for Gwen or Gaius…" Before Merlin realized what he was doing, he'd brought his arm up to grab the shackle tightly in his fingers. The pain came on suddenly, and Merlin gritted his teeth against it, fighting it as best he could whilst still retaining his grip on the ring of metal. His eyes were watering, but still Merlin wouldn't let go.

Through the mist of pain, Merlin could see the surprise and confusion in Arthur's face which was understandable as his arm had been grabbed roughly by his servant who was supposed to be in so much pain that he was unable to speak or move. Unconsciousness was beginning to sneak up on Merlin, but he had started something that involved more physical than anything else he'd ever done. The metal under his palm was heating up, growing warmer and warmer until even through his half shut eyelids, Merlin could see the glow that was coming from it.

He smiled a little before letting his grip go slack and falling back onto the pillows that had been beckoning him for some time.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Arthur closed his eyes and leaned back against the table at which he was sitting. Gwen was standing next to him, gnawing at her lip in the way she always did when she was nervous. He took a few deep breaths before standing up, squaring his shoulders and setting his jaw. He gave her a forced smile and a brief nod before turning around and striding towards the stairs and room at the back. Before Arthur could change his mind, he opened the door and entered the little room.

It was strange seeing Merlin lying there, not reacting nor moving at his rather dramatic entrance. A lump was beginning in the back of his throat as the king realized how pathetic his servant looked. Eyes red, mouth tight and strained, a furrowed brow and the emaciated look gave him the appearance of an old man. Or at least, it looked like his servant had aged about ten years in the space of a week or so.

Merlin looked at him without moving, before turning his gaze to, once again, look up at the ceiling. There were tear tracks running down his face and Arthur swallowed a little to allow the words that he wanted to say, escape from his throat.

"My father died. I'm king now." Merlin blinked once to acknowledge that he had heard what Arthur had said, but other than that he did nothing, Arthur sighed, not really sure if this was going to help, but he had little else to do.

"Morgana's still alive, but hasn't moved since… Well you know." The king took a deep breath, ordering himself not to do anything monumentally stupid to a man that couldn't move nor speak.

It was harder than Arthur expected it to be. He was angry of course. Merlin had lied to him over all the years that they'd been master and servant, more importantly, friends. It hurt a lot and Arthur found it hard sometimes to keep his anger in check.

Sadness was also playing a part in his rough ride of emotions. Had Merlin not trusted him enough with this secret? Had he thought that Arthur would kill him he his true self would ever be revealed? Did he believe that Arthur would have handed his loyal servant over to his father for execution? Looking over at Merlin's unmoving features, Arthur found that his servant probably thought so.

Of course Arthur was worried. He was worried that Merlin would never speak nor move again in his life. That he would be confined to this bed for the rest of his life. Even if Arthur was furious at being left out of such an important secret and didn't know if he could ever forgive the servant, he didn't want him to go to this sort of life. He wouldn't want anyone to have such an existence, not even Morgana.

The guilt that Arthur felt was immense. He didn't even want to go into how much he blamed himself for the turn of events. The king tried to hide it up behind all his other emotions, but Merlin had always had a habit of picking his way through Arthur's feelings and laying them bare.

"I should be angry with you right now you know. I really should. When you and Morgana had finished and the guards were clearing everything away, the only thing that I could think of was how betrayed and angry I felt towards you two. Everything just exploded then. Feelings and thoughts that I never knew existed and yet were bottled up inside me. Problems too…" Arthur took a shuddering breath and looked down at his hands, flexing his fingers just to feel as if he was in control of something in the world.

Breaking any sort of contact that he had had with his servant, Arthur closed his eyes, willing the pain of sharing his most inner emotions away and trying to be as detached as possible from them. The king really shouldn't have been there in the first place. The Council was asking him to fix everything himself and Arthur didn't know how. He had had to fight with them and himself to be able to break his father's laws, even for a short time and keep Merlin alive until he got better. There were rooms that had to be fixed, his father's funeral to be arranged, his own coronation ceremony as he was only king in name at the moment. Everything rested on his shoulders and Arthur could feel himself beginning to crack under the pressure.

"I couldn't control myself for several days afterwards, and still I have problems. I just want to be free of all the decisions that I have to make. But even then, I'm not truly free." Arthur said bitterly, nearly spitting it out as if the words themselves were poisoned.

He got up. Legs that had been patient up until now, forcing him to move and stretch and to not sit still. Unconsciously, Arthur began to rub the shackle on his left wrist, feeling it grate against the skin and causing discomfort, almost pain. It felt good, to be able to feel the physical throb as well as the emotional.

"… It's been a week and a half and even the best blacksmiths couldn't get it off. I'm now a slave to Morgana, maybe not in any way, but she has managed to keep one of the shackles from coming off, no matter what anyone tries. I'll always wear it, as much as I don't want to." Arthur swung his arm, feeling the anger that had been lying dormant beginning to take over. He wanted to hurt something or someone. Make them realize the pain that he was going through and be able to sympathize.

He glanced down at Merlin and anything that he was going to say or do died away. His servant was looking up at him with a cool determination that Arthur had seen many times. Many times before they did something phenomenally stupid with very little chance of survival. The expression always meant that Merlin was ready to do something that would be risking his life.

"Merlin? Merlin, are you alright? Should I send for Gwen or Gaius…" Arthur never got the chance to finish. Merlin's right hand came up to grip his wrist, and Arthur watched as his servant's face contorted in to a mask of pain and suffering.

Arthur tried to pull his hand away, but Merlin's strength surprised him and he wasn't able to do anything to free himself. Confusion began to cloud his mind. What was Merlin doing? What would be worth the pain that these actions would bring? Was it that Merlin was removing this band of metal?

The king dismissed that idea immediately, telling himself that even though Merlin had a habit of self-sacrifying himself, this was honestly too stupid for anyone to do.

Merlin was shaking, Arthur realized and he brought his other hand down to support Merlin as much as he could. The slight movement that that involved brought Arthur's skin in contact with the metal and he recoiled a little as it burned his flesh. Through the gaps in Merlin's fingers, Arthur could see the once dull grey of metal was now an almost bright yellow much like what Arthur saw in forges.

Suddenly, Merlin relaxed his grip and sank back down onto the pillow, unconscious before his head even touched it. Arthur nearly forgot how to breathe, his arm still up in the air where Merlin had held it. Slowly and carefully, the king brought his arm down and glanced at his wrist. The metal was still a yellow orang colour, but it was starting to fade back to its original hew.

Turning his arm over, Arthur blinked.

Once.

Twice.

Three times, before he brought his other hand to touch the space where the metal had split to look almost like a bracelet, leaving a space wide enough for Arthur to slip his hand out of.


	11. Chapter 11

_Freya dancing._

_Freya running._

_Freya smiling._

_Freya laughing._

_Freya climbing._

_Freya swimming._

_Freya… swimming…_

Merlin gasped and his eyes flew open, not even flinched at the sudden brightness that assaulted them. There were voices talking in the background, but Merlin ignored them, blocking them out. They were distracting him.

"Avalon…" He managed to gasp out, the pain beginning suddenly and almost overwhelming him. Gwen, Gwaine and Gaius stopped talking immediately and turned their surprised gazes to look upon him.

"Freya…"


	12. Chapter 12

Gwaine looked over at the still form of the man who had befriended him, and grimaced at his expression. Even in a drugged sleep, creases were forming rapidly in his brow as the jostling of the cart made him move and activated the spell that lay over him.

Trying to help as much as possible, Gwaine tried to hold Merlin's head still between his knees and with his hands, he held the servant's arms. He was the only one in the cart apart from Gwen, who was mirroring Gwaine's own movements, making sure that Merlin's legs didn't flop around and cause him more pain than he was already in.

Arthur, Leon and Percival were riding up ahead, forging a path through the bushes, so that the horse cart could follow. Elyan was behind, bringing up the rear and making sure that nothing or no one would spring an attack from behind.

No one knew exactly where they were going, Gaius had only said that the lake decided who they would reveal their presence to and when that should be. The best they could do was walk through the forest, and hope that the lake would decide to show itself.

The sun was already starting its descent back down to the horizon and Gwaine looked around worriedly. They couldn't stay out much longer, given the fact that Merlin would probably have a rough night sleeping on the hard ground without a proper physician to look after him.

Arthur hadn't said a word the entire time, hadn't even looked back to see if they were following. In a way Gwaine understood why the king was distancing himself, but then again, Merlin had always been their friends and just because he wasn't the same anymore, it didn't give Arthur the right to treat him differently.

Gwaine didn't voice any of those thoughts and just let them run around in a loop in his brain. Ever second thinking something different but then eventually coming back to those first thoughts. He barely even noticed when Merlin's lips began to move ever so slightly.

No noise came out, and Gwaine realized that that was probably a good thing. If the servant wasn't actually talking then he couldn't be in pain.

The knight leaned down, concentrating on Merlin's lips as he tried to make out the words that his friend was trying to say.

The boy's lips began to form letters, which transformed into words that Gwaine could put together in his mind.

_North… straight for hundred paces… down big hill… towards mountains… between oak trees… lake… Freya… dear Freya…_

Realizing that Merlin was giving directions, even in the state he was in, Gwaine quickly relayed the words to Percival, who happened to be the closest. The big knight spurred his horse on to catch up with the king, who had been forging a path and was now reasonably far ahead.

It wasn't long before they started heading in a different direction and Gwaine could see the mountains in the distance and the line of oak trees not far ahead of them. They passed swiftly between trees and rocks, making their way down the hills and into the valley bottom.

Gwaine lifted his head up, and looked around. The forest around them seemed familiar and Gwaine felt that he should know where they were, but all trees and patches of woodland looked the same and it was always difficult to tell different places apart.

Looking down at the servant who had become his friend, Gwaine winced as Merlin did, the pain that the boy was facing reflecting itself in the knight's own face.

A shout from up ahead made the knight lift his head before ducking swiftly as he nearly knocked himself out on a branch. Arthur was coming back, head held high as he rode alongside them.

The lake was beautiful in every sense of the word. The water shimmered gently as the light of the setting sun caught the waves that were slowly rolling to the shore. The mountains in the background framed the scene as if protecting it from prying eyes and their snow-capped peaks jutted up into the sky. Flowers lined the lake shore, adding purple and green splashes of colour wherever they grew.

"I've been here before." Gwiane looked over to where Leon was and gave the older knight a look. Leon caught the look in his eyes and nodded sincerely. Gwaine didn't push for any more information.

Gently lifting Merlin from the cart, Gwaine and Percival brought him over to where a small fishing boat was floating near the bank. Arthur pulled off his cloak and bundled it under his servant's head in an unusually touching gesture. The blanket that had been wrapped around the boy was also transferred from the cart and wrapped around his shoulders.

Percival gave the boat with Merlin in it a final push, sending it across the lake. Arthur waded in a little ways, but soon stopped as the mists that were hovering just above the surface of the water closed in behind the prone servant.

The temperature suddenly dropped and Gwaine pulled his cloak a little tighter around him, trying to block out the bite of the wind. The mist that had enveloped the surface of the lake was moving, swirling and coming towards them as if it was one of those storms of sand that Gwaine had heard that happened where there was only sand for ground.

Every now and then, Gwaine thought that he could see a face or an object, form in the swirling mass of water droplets. Sometimes they would be scenes of landscapes, with trees and tall mountains that would reach up to a fake sky. Sometimes a fire would appear, but with the burning flames made of water. Spears, swords and flying arrows would flash through and disappear as quickly as they'd come. Emotions, expressions, pain and sorrow were plainly visible. Very few of the moments were ones that could be interpreted as happy or joyful, and even those would have a dash of sadness thrown in anyway.

They started moving faster and faster until the images were blurred together, impossibly entwined so that no one could tell them apart. Gwiane closed his eyes, the motion whirling around in the sky making him feel nauseous and sick.

A loud bang made him open them again. Light was streaming down from the sky, the mist gone so that the knights and Gwen could see to the other side of lake. There was no sign of Merlin's boat except for where a girl, dress made of water droplets was standing on the lake.


	13. Chapter 13

 

Merlin felt relaxed.

There was no other word for the feeling of comfort and contentment that washed over him as he lay back on the cloak and bed of wood. His eyes were closed and the sun was shining lightly through them, a light pinkish hew that wasn't uncomfortable nor painful.

A hand gently touched his cheek, moving slowly and gently across his face until it was cupping the boy's chin. A pair of lips gently pressed against his and Merlin barely had time to respond before they were pulling away once again. He moaned ever so softly at the break in contact and felt his eyes flutter open to look at the girl in front of him.

It took him longer than it should have to recognize her, but once his mind had caught up to his mouth he smiled lovingly up at her.

His dear Freya.

She looked absolutely stunning, still wearing the same dress that Merlin had given her all those years ago. Around her were the faces and shapes of other people, long dead and their legacies just beginning to fade. Some of the faces Merlin recognized, others he did not, but the image of his father was strong.

Still dressed in animal hides and with long knotted hair reaching his shoulders, he looked much the same as when he'd died. Hands on his hips, Balinor walked forward until he was towering above his son. Merlin was still laying prone on the wooden boat hull and he should have felt slightly venerable, but his father knelt down by his side and offered a half-smile.

The servant tried to return it, but his mind kept wandering to other things, all of them sad. Balinor nodded, as if knowing what the boy was going through. Merlin wished that he'd had more time with his father but at the same time he looked happy to finally not be alone.

Balinor stood up and with a last nod turned around and melted back into the mist. Merlin felt a tear slip down his cheek as he watched his father leave, but he was brought back to the present as an arrow whistled towards him. His magic flared instinctively and the arrow glanced off his shield and disappeared.

A figure came forward, in his hand a well-made, yew bow. Merlin smiled despite himself and the man grinned back, everything about him saying laid-back and lazy. Opening his mouth, Merlin tried to speak his name, but even when he could feel his lips move and his breath leave his lungs, no sound reached his ears.

Freya was still stroking his hair and removed one hand to place it gently on Merlin's lips, gently stopping them. He stopped trying to talk and just continued to look at Will, his dear, trouble making friend. He looked much the same as always, with the usual sarcastic grin adorning his face. Merlin wished to speak to him badly, but Freya's hand was still gently, yet firmly gagging him. Instead Merlin tried to speak with his eyes, a skill that he'd found out about long ago, but one which he had no control over.

Will shook his head sadly as if realizing what Merlin was trying to do. He reached out his hand and twisted his fingers just so, so that it looked like a bird in flight. Merlin nodded and twitched his fingers ever so slightly, worried about what the enchantment that surrounded him would do. The pain was there, but not as intense as it had been before.

Merlin closed his eyes as his nerves were sent tingling and when he opened them, Will was nowhere to be seen. Instead Lancelot had taken his place.

His friend seemed tired, but even so, he managed a faint smile for Merlin before he too, vanished.

Merlin was left surrounded by his dear Freya and the faces of those that he had only vaguely seen or had met for a day or two before going on their way. They all looked at him for a few seconds, before disappearing, never to be seen by any living soul again. Eventually there was no one there except the girl that he'd rescued all those years. She'd been sitting by his head, calmly stroking his soft hair as he'd watched everyone who had come out of the mist and then returning to it.

Closing his eyes and just rolling on the feeling of Freya massaging his scalp, Merlin barely noted the fact that water was beginning to lap at his feet and ankles. It was only when the water had reached his knees that Merlin snapped out of the haze of pleasure and realized that he was sinking.

He began to panic slightly, eyes wide and looking everywhere, until they settled on Freya's gentle face. She seemed so calm, black locks tumbling down from her face as she swayed gently from side to side. Almost life-like in her beauty, Merlin found himself calming down even in his sinking boat as he looked at her face.

The water level continued to rise until it was at his neck, but it didn't stop there. Merlin took a deep breath as the water lapped over his nose and closed his eyes when it reached his forehead.

The world muffled with the effect of the water and Merlin didn't remember much outside of the fingers caressing his head.

 

 

oOo

 

Gwaine watched in anticipation as the mist began to disappear and the mountains on the other side of the body of water became visible once again. He'd been standing there for nearly an hour and the sun had almost set. His cloak was no longer thick enough to block out the chill that the night air brought.

A shape seemed to rise up and out of the water as it came slowly towards the party that had gathered on the lake shore. It was the boat in which Merlin had been sent off in.

Gwaine reached the wooden craft first and as one hand held it steady, the other rummaged around inside. His fingers caught on a red cloak and a couple water plants, but there was no sign of the boy. The others had joined him and the look of fear and sadness that Gwaine was sure had crossed his face, became visible on theirs.

It was only when Gwen, who hadn't waded in with all the others, gave a shout did he look up from what he was doing.

Merlin was standing not far off from the lake shore, soaked through and hair sticking out at odd angles, but very much alive. His face was set in a grim smile, and Gwaine started at the look that seemed so foreign on the boy's face, until he saw the unshed tears in the corners of Merlin's eyes.

Arthur waded closer to Merlin, but the servant held up a hand and averted his eyes from everyone. He then began to walk away from everyone and, to Gwaine's relief, headed back in the direction of Camelot.

Gwaine understood. He wouldn't have wanted anyone there if this had happened to him.

Still as the knight watched the boy, he hoped that one day, he would be privy to know what truly went on in the mind of that gangly young magician.

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

**_One Year Later_ **

After a year, everyone was beginning to act rather jumpy and careful with what they did and said around Merlin. Gwaine in particular wasn't himself for a week leading up to the date.

He'd been the most affected by Merlin's problems a year ago and had been the one who had offered the most support for the servant.

This year Merlin had locked himself into his room and didn't answer any questions that people asked through the wooden door. Everyone had had a go at trying to convince the poor boy to come out of the dark room, but nothing had succeeded. Even Arthur had spared several minutes to come and speak with his friend.

In the end it had been Gwaine that helped Merlin through the week or so that he refused contact with the outside world. The knight had sat outside the door during the whole week, sleeping, eating, talking and almost never getting up to leave. He'd ordered tankards of beer from a servant that Arthur had assigned to him after the king had realized that Gwaine couldn't be moved from his vigil.

A week later, Merlin emerged from his locked room, looking gaunt and tired, but had a slight smile on his face as he'd past the wild knight and continued on his way to the kitchens. Gwaine followed him and managed to persuade him to come to the tavern to boost his spirits slightly.

Merlin had a horrible headache the next morning, and even Gwaine did not escape the suffering of a hang-over.

 

oOo

 

**_Five Years Later_ **

Hunith came to Camelot to live with her son. She was getting no younger and was unable to do as much to help her village as she had in the past. Merlin had welcomed her with open arms and so had the king and the other knights.

She had her own rooms on the other side of the castle and sometimes helped Gaius with errands, when the old man became too old to run up and down stairs to tend to patients. Sometimes Hunith would help out in the kitchens and though the staff had to get used to the mother of a powerful warlock helping out, she soon became a valuable asset when things got tough.

When Gaius finally died a couple months after Merlin's mother had come to Camelot, Hunith was there as her son wept and mourned the loss of his mentor. She was there when he'd completely broken down and had just done his job like a ghost. Walking around and doing stuff, but not being aware of it.

Flu had broken out in the lower town and Hunith had been the one to take care of the elderly and young, even when she herself was nearing the age of fifty-five and beginning to acquire aching joints herself.

She passed away from the flu herself not long after.

 

oOo

 

**_Ten Years Later_ **

The prince of Camelot turned seven years old. He was raucous little thing, much like any young boy at the age of seven. He had most of the servants and citizens wrapped around his little finger, as he was polite, cheerful, obedient and fun to be around. In Merlin's own words, it was a relief to have a prince who was the complete opposite of Arthur.

Merlin loved the little boy and they could often be seen running through the woods just outside the city walls in a game of bad guys versus good guys.

The prince, Loholt, always insisted that Merlin not be allowed to use his magic, because it wasn't fair. Merlin cheated sometimes of course. Occasionally he would have to save the prince from doing something stupid that had a zero percent chance of him coming out unscathed.

There was one time, when Loholt had decided that it would be a good idea to walk on a fallen tree that was balancing over a gorge and river. Merlin had only arrived just in time to stop the young boy from slipping and falling to his death.

Gwen and Arthur had had a good long talk with the boy and for several days afterwards, Loholt had refused to talk to Merlin on the grounds that Merlin had "been bad and tattled on him."

Merlin had accepted his fate, knowing that considering that he was one of the only people who would stand up to his father when the child had to be inside for lessons, Loholt wouldn't sulk for very long.

He was right. Loholt soon learnt that having Merlin as a friend, even if said friend had tattled on him, was better than having to read long history books. Of course, Merlin was disciplined well by the short kid, and made to promise never to tell anything to his parents ever again.

But no matter what Loholt did to Merlin, he always made the servant or friend or warlock smile and cheer up. And that was what made Merlin love him the most.

 

oOo

 

**_Twenty-Five Years Later_ **

When Arthur lay on his death bed, it was Merlin who he sent for first. Having sustained the wound in battle, Arthur now lay dying from the infection that had set in. Weak from blood loss, his body could no longer fight against the inevitable.

Arthur opened his eyes with some difficulty and stared up at his friend or servant or advisor or idiot, whichever one Merlin happened to be on any given day. He already had his hand out, pressing it against the king's side, ignoring the pus and blood that was seeping out of the wound. Around them, the most trusted knights looked on, as well as the crown prince, whose eyes never left his father's chest.

Guinevere wasn't with them. Taking care of Camelot required much effort and so the Queen had had to manage the court affaires whilst her husband and son went off to fight.

Merlin was murmuring words, but Arthur silenced him with a hand to the shoulder and shake of the head. The king could see the confusion in the sorcerer's eyes as Arthur refused the treatment that could save his life, but he stayed firm with his decision. He was dying and he knew it.

At this point, if magic was used to heal him, someone in their company would perish in his stead and Arthur couldn't take that chance. He'd been king for almost twenty-five years, one of the longest reigns that had ever been chronicled, had a good life, and had lived to see his son grow from a child to an adult and be proud of his accomplishments.

He was one of the lucky ones.

With a nod, Merlin removed his hand from his side and stepped back half a pace to give the king some space. Arthur knew that his friend was thinking of all the people that he had seen pass on in his lifetime and it pained him that he had to add to the already painful burden, but he felt as if this was what he was meant to do.

Removing the royal seal from around his neck, Arthur passed it to his son with a forced smile and a nod, hoping that Loholt would understand the pride that his father had in him. He next pointed to a letter thrown haphazardly on to a makeshift table and nodded at Merlin. The wizard returned the gesture and bowed his head. The knights opted a similar position.

Arthur reached over to his closest friend and squeezed his arm gently.

"I'm sorry, Merlin. I'm so sorry…" And the great king breathed his last, the grip around his warlock's arm slipping until his arm fell on to the bed.

 

oOo

 

**_Fifty Years Later_ **

Freya would watch from her position in the lake, as every year as a tribute, her dear Merlin would come and visit her. Every year he would look a little older, a little wiser and have a few more wrinkles and scars. He'd even started growing a beard several years ago, and now it reached down to his waist.

This year he was leaning heavily on a staff that Freya had never seen. Carved out of oak, it was a fine work of craftsmanship. His eyes were tired and the bags beneath them were growing heavier than previous years. Freya longed to hold him, to talk to him, to tell him not to be so sad, but she couldn't. The lake would always keep her prisoner until the world came to an end.

She herself, was still young. The lake of Avalon had kept her young and healthy for all the years that she'd been there.

Merlin was still standing there and hadn't said a word in the time that he'd arrived. Freya was beginning to wonder if he would speak, when his lips started to move. The girl in the lake had to strain her ears to catch what he was saying but she managed to understand most of what was being said.

"I love you… I miss you…"

 

oOo

****

**_One Hundred Years Later_ **

Snow was falling gently in the meadow on the edge of the lake. The ground was covered in a layer of white frosting, the branches of the trees growing heavy with the extra weight. A trail of footprints, coming from the woods that faced east, was the only thing that disturbed the perfect scene. They passed by the lake shore, before curving slightly to head south.

A rose that hadn't been there before, was pushing and growing out of the hard, cold ground. Blood red and facing the lake as a reminder and a memorial.


End file.
